Wayc's Live Journal

Zach, I know you think that every possible thing that could go wrong with you has. Your intestines don't work, you're jealous and prone to tantrums if you feel left out in any way, your anxiety keeps you from having any faith that you'll make it on your own, and you're sentimental and sensitive beyond belief.

Imagine though poor Luke, who has extremely debilitating rheumatoid arthritis and he's only 18, think about your friend Al who has to suffer dialysis every week. Your Crohn's Disease really isn't that big of a deal, especially since it was only moderate to begin with and your medicine regimen seems to be keeping you clear from most problems.

Sure, you'll miss opportunities and people will do things that you'll never get to do. If you like them, you should be happy for them. If you don't like them, then they're not worth thinking about anyway. You will have your own breaks and if you work hard and treat enough people kindly, you may be surprised at the experiences you'll uncover.

Your anxiety is a problem, but you're not alone. There are plenty of people who are worse off than you, that can't even go outside because they're mortified something terrible will happen to them. There are kind people out there who will help you overcome the threats you feel the world hold for you. You will only become homeless and without love and support from family and friends if you make a lot of mistakes you would never make, like drug addiction or another kind of addiction. And think of what you've done in the past 2 years alone. You've been on an airplane by yourself 4 times, and by the 4th time, the experience went flawlessly, even through security. Your mother in her 20's even lost her ticket. You came close, but you didn't. You've come a long way as a person. You've matured and though you fear making mistakes and haven't done it, you know what's stupid and what's not stupid. You will be fine.

As far as being sensitive and sentimental, those can be good things. It is obviously a good thing to care about other people. While this tends to make you a punching bag emotionally when your support system dissolves from harsh things people say, you're better off than people so unaware of what goes on around them, that they hurt others. Sentimentality is care and love. While putting too much sentimentality into something can be to your detriment, the fact that you care and love in the first place makes you a worthy person to live on the planet no matter how little you accomplish that society deems important.

Let it be known though, that I love and care about you. I would never let anything terrible happen to you. There are people in this world far more incompetent than you that manage to get by just fine. While you may not be the most bold individual to grace the planet and will miss opportunities from being modest, your achievements, however small, will mean the world to you. That is what is important.

Love,
Myself

I wonder if saying I haven't posted in this thing for a long time would be considered an understatement. Thought I might as well update just for fun and see if anyone actually reads it.

Life has been pretty good for me in the past two years. Getting dumped was the tragedy that made me quit Live Journal in the first place because I wrote most of my entries for her to read and it just seemed too painful to continue afterward. At least I think that's what did it. I'm not sure anymore. It feels like it happened in 1982 or something.

I've matured twenty-fold since 2006 and even though I still have the tendency to be obnoxious, I'm a lot more empathetic toward people and capable of being a good friend. I'm also in a mature and REAL relationship now that is thriving and even though there are some problems, like with most relationships, love conquers them and they get worked out through mutual care and empathy.

I still have never worked a day in my life, but that may change because my dad really wants me to do Work Study, which is a job supplied by the University to employ students so that they can pay off their loans or whatever. Maybe I can get something that won't trigger panic attacks and will mostly involve me sitting in a corner doing something not excruciatingly boring.

My family's financial future may finally be improving. My dad is a struggling freelance court reporter and we haven't been making very much. In addition to that, we don't have health care so we've been paying out of pocket for ridiculous amounts, especially my mom who is on every drug known to mankind and is immune to antibiotics. My dad got offered a job to work at the VA Hospital today, which means $30,000 a year and free health care for our entire family. It will help out A LOT. My parents were celebrating. We may get out of our financial sinkhole. The idea to move to Canada didn't work out so well because they weren't impressed with my dad's skills and yelled at him a lot, so at least we've got this now.

I start my 4th year of college on August 25th, but unfortunately I'm only a Junior. I have a ways to go. Looking on the bright side, I finally declared a major and have a goal to work toward. No more trying to tap-dance around what I'm even doing in college in the first place and embarrassingly telling people that I'm just clearing out general eds. The major is Communications, New Media. I have no idea what that means. BUT I HAVE A MAJOR! WOOHOO! My sucky cumulative GPA notwithstanding, I got in! I did really well last semester. I got an A, B+, B, and B- for my classes. That's something to be proud of, I think.

I found pretzels with peanut butter inside them at the supermarket near my house. This is the store that never carries anything I want unless I try something new and like it when they decide to stop carrying it a week later. What a twist.

I have a sudden craving for white cake and I really need to shave. I'm going to go swing now in the dark. I still do that. It clears my mind of useless junk that tends to plague me at night.

Squee ya!